Only read on if you have a sense of humour......

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats and have raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved."
Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." 
 

The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the Blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out.
 
Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to a "Bloody Nuisance."
 

The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was in 1588 when threatened by the Spanish Armada.

The Scots raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's get the Bastards" They don't have any other levels.
 

This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.

The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide".

The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender."

The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France 's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.
 
It's not only the French who are on a heightened level of alert. 
 

Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout loudly and excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing."

Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."
 
The Germans also increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress In Uniform And Sing Marching Songs." 
 

They have two higher levels: "Invade A Neighbour" and "Lose."

Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to "She'll be right, mate".
 

They are rightfully more worried about their own government than any foreign threat.

They have five higher levels, "Fortress Oz", "F** it, let's have a beer", "I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend" and "The barbie is cancelled". 
 

So far no situation has ever warranted use of the final escalation level.
 
I could try to make some correlations with relative currency performances or national GDP numbers too but you know that I'd just be stretching the points!